Social Media, Anxiety, and Authenticity

I deleted all of my social media. Well, not the accounts. But the apps. I know there may be a time in the future where I want to engage with social media again, so they’re there if/when I should change my mind. But for the time being, I decided enough is enough. Enough time wasted scrolling. Enough energy spent consuming negative content, hateful comments, and unhelpful dialogues. Most importantly, it was pulling my time and focus away from being present and enjoying each present moment, both in solitude and with loved ones. The more time I’ve spent meditating, the more I’ve learned to appreciate and understand the beauty of being fully present in each moment. Social media makes that hard to do. It shortens our attention spans, consumes our thoughts, and causes us to overthink about what we create and how it will be perceived. Now, I want to be clear, I’m not disregarding social media as a whole. I know it is beneficial for many, especially those with public-facing careers where building an audience is a necessity. However, at this point in my life and career, that is no longer the case for me.

As I have been slowly but steadily building and creating a more peaceful life that is meaningful and beautiful to me, public-facing work is no longer appealing. If I were to publish a book today, I’d use an alias rather than my own name. This sort of anonymity and mindfulness as a way of moving through the world feels comfortable to me. It feels right. When I was working so hard to be seen and to get my work out there, I was in a near constant state of anxiety and stress. I was always trying to create the best content and make sure I was connecting with all the right people. It was so much work, and it just felt inauthentic to me. It wasn’t right for me. And the stress and anxiety my body was creating were trying to communicate that to me. And perhaps there is a bit of irony in the fact that this post is being published very publicly as a blog post, but it’s just my own space to share my thoughts, it’s not a formal work or published piece meant to drum up an audience.

Back to the anxiety. Many people probably assumed that because I was actively going after what I wanted, I must have been the happiest I’d ever been. That simply was not true. I was the most stressed, anxious, and imbalanced I’d ever been. You know how I feel now? Steady. At peace. This morning, I had some tea, enjoyed the early morning sunrise, and thought about all that I’m grateful for. I didn’t need to post anything to social media or check in on what others are posting. I didn’t need to put on my very best outfit and take photos. I just simply put on jeans and T-shirt and relaxed. In this way of being present, I feel whole. I think, in the future, I will still find ways to write about art and fashion and other things that I enjoy. But it won’t be by going to a bunch of events or by trying to promote myself on social media. It’ll be in a way that feels authentic, low stress, and allows me to simply exist in peace and joy without always feeling like I have to perform, without always trying to perform.

All this to say, the lack of social media has been good for me so far. I’m only a few days in, so I know it’s probably likely I’ll experience some sort of withdrawals. As of now, I’m just happy, and so, so grateful for all that I am and all that I have.